The next day - musings about money.

Wow. I am overwhelmed by the support and positive feedback from friends and family. Thank you!

I feel as though I've been relieved of a great weight, like I've come out of the closet somehow. We are surrounded with wonderful caring people but even in the midst of that we feel this incredible pressure to keep up with others, not through their doing but in general. I come from a family that did not have much money but never made us feel poor. Christmases and birthdays were always special and we usually got one of the items on our list that we had REALLY wanted for months before. Then for awhile, my husband and I had quite a bit of disposable income and got very used to frequent restaurant meals, travel and buying whatever we wanted. When we made the decision to have children and for me to become a stay-at-home mother, we talked about how hard it would be to live on one income, to remain true to ourselves and not go massively in debt... but some days we are astonished at just how hard it is! For the first couple of years, we didn't do much differently but now that we're well into the 5th year, we've decided that in order to keep our goals we need to let go of the "need to spend". We need to opt out of the shopping trips more often, stay home more and pack a lunch when we go on car trips! It's funny though when you start this process and you let everybody know - you start feeling really judged. When we choose to buy something, or go somewhere, we feel people are saying "wait a minute I thought they were supposed to not have any money?" And then sometimes you worry about hurting people's feelings. Making decisions that reflect your own families values can sometimes leave you feeing vulnerable to criticism. But folks,we do have "some" money. We have "enough" money but we do not have "disposable" money. We are never seeking pity or complaining - we are simply deciding not to go with the flow of modern society.

Over the last couple of years, we have started making choices that seem unusual to people. We've kept the same old car that we bought brand new in 2000, and our "new" car is a 2001 rust bucket. Most of our friends have since upgraded to bigger and better by now. And yes we have been tempted, especially with 2 kids and a big dog. But we're waiting until we feel we can afford it reasonably. Both of our cars run, we are not putting massive amounts of money into repairs. And since we've waited it out so long, we are happy to say that sometime between the next two Januarys we will probably have a brand new (slightly bigger and better) car. We decided that although it would be lovely to have a bigger, newer home, we would stay here and raise our family. We will make the most of what we have in terms of decorating and updates. We are resisting the urge to go bigger and better just because we can (or will be able to soon). I don't want my children to learn that you need to constantly upgrade in order to be happy, I want them to learn to adapt their circumstances to make them happy. I asked my 5 year old son this morning, "do you like our house" as we were walking to the school bus, and he said "Yes of course Mommy, my puppy lives there, and our computer too!" I answered I liked it to because love lives there.

For the past 2 years, we have been on a constant purging spree, and we are still overwhelmed by clutter. It is only this past year where we started emotionally letting go of "things" and "stuff" that we have. The big things that are obvious to let go, like the crib once we decided our family was complete, that was hard emotionally but we knew it had to go. The harder things are purging toys that you remember your child playing with but they no longer have any interest in. We are only keeping a VERY few things and I do worry that in the long run we'll be sorry we never kept more.

What makes this Christmas the "one" for us is that our kids are growing and starting to get commercialistic ideas. My daughter recently told me "Mommy I need Moxie Girls" I said "why" and she said "because they color my world" "oh yeah, how do they do that?" "I dunno, but I NEEED them Mommy!" And she is only 3. My son is in senior kindergarten and is just starting to feel pressure from friends to have the "latest and coolest". We feel it's our responsibility as parents to not give in and to give them everything they want. We really want them to learn the great feeling of anticipation and then getting what you want. That deep appreciation . Like when we were kids and we would wish for something out of the Sears book for months, and then on Christmas morning our parents would make it wait until the very end and there was always that moment of hesitation where you were not sure if you got it... but the lo and behold there it was!! Oh my gosh, and then you would keep it and play with it and love it and treasure it for so long. You would disappear for the rest of the day and play and be happy. Now the kids take hours to open presents and most of them are forgotten by supper time.

I feel like the Spirit of Christmas has been lost at the mall... and this year we are going to capture it again! I intend to update this daily so please follow me on this crazy adventure.